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Hey party people, it’s Dave Buick again, ready to talk about fantasy football. The thing I love as much as my Buick and Ruby, my feathered hair beauty, is fantasy football. As the new season approaches, there is one thing to get out of the way for all you fantasy football managers as you approach your fantasy football online draft: who the hell are you gonna take with the first pick? Are you gonna pick Shaun Alexander, LaDainian Tomilinson or Larry Johnson? Grab yourself a six-pack and let me break this shit down for you.

The Case Against the Soft-top – LaDainian Tomlinson

Tomlinson pissed many owners off last year with his uncool play. Chargers coach Marty Shotenheimer did his share of pissing people off too. Marty’s management of Tomlinson was questionable as he often refused to just toss Tomlinson the keys to the game. Yeah, Tomlinson looks attractive at the top of the board but he was dinged up a little last year and had the worst season of the three backs. Very uncool. Also keep in mind that Drew Brees has bolted the party which leaves Philip Rivers and his 17 career completions driving an offense that used to get looks as it drove down Main Street. An uncool looking Rivers driving the Chargers offense could hurt Tomlinson’s production. Yeah, the soft-top looks great but what the hell does a soft-top even do? Take him if you have pick three.

The Case for the Convertible – Shaun Alexander

The convertible is always the safe choice when you’re buying cars, I mean, the ride just looks cool. Shaun Alexander and his NFL record 28 touchdowns sure looks cool. He plays on a team that cruised to the Super Bowl last year and the Seahawks offense should still be high flying even without All-Pro guard Steve Hutchinson who drove to Minnesota in the off-season. Something uncool is that the Seahawks might have the division wrapped up by week 15. Is Alexander going to be working for you in the final weeks of the season? If he hadn’t been trying to break the NFL touchdown record last year the Seahawks would have had their convertible parked in the driveway during your fantasy football leagues playoff run. Then again, the Cardinals may give the Seahawks a run for their money in the NFC West this year, so Alexander could be battling to the end. 28 touchdowns. Cool. I’d park that shit in the park, open the trunk and crank those tunes.

The Case for the Hardtop – Larry Johnson

If I were a fantasy football commissioner, I’d rig the draft to get the first pick so I could take Larry Johnson. He’s the cool ride. C’mon party people, you know it’s true, hard-tops are just cooler. Despite playing 6 games in which he had 13 carries or less, Johnson still racked up 1750 yards and 20 td’s on the ground along with 33 receptions for 333 yards and a touchdown. If he starts 16 games in 2006 he could easily rush for 2000 yards. Also worth considering is that the Chiefs will be fighting for their playoff lives in the tough AFC West and there is nothing more satisfying than having a hot Larry Johnson taking a Mainer on other teams during playoff time. If you’re the fantasy football manager with the first pick in the draft, take Larry Johnson and keep that comb in your back pocket, you already know your hair looks cool. I know mine does.