A Few Easy Steps To Active Listening
by Kimbles on 2007-09-23
It is not very often that you come across someone who really listens to you. Most people generally feel like they are not being heard. Listening actively is one of the best gifts you could ever offer to someone. With a few easy steps you can learn how to listen well to others. Listen for the following:
What they are saying.What they are not saying.How they are saying it.What their bodies are showing you. Their tone of voice. Are they blaming something or someone or are they accepting responsibility? What inspires them and motivates them?What frightens or restricts them?
Most importantly listen for their magnificence and for the extraordinary qualities they possess. AND ... let them know how well they are doing. It is all too common to give others advice and to point out where they are going wrong. Make them aware of their uniqueness, accomplishments and successes, no matter how small they may be. Just for once, hold back on passing judgment, opinion and of giving advice. Listen to what the person is saying. Tune into them, be present and don't think of all the hundreds of other things you might need to be doing that day. By doing this, the person will feel cared for, understood and welcomed. Let them speak 80% of the time and give effective feedback 20% of the time. Not an easy task, but I am sure you will also gain from holding your tongue, not jumping in at every opportunity and interrupting.
Really try and understand what they are trying to say. Ask them to elaborate on what they mean and help to move them out of a space of worry, stress and anxiety. Pay close attention to what you hear, what you notice and search for ways of responding that will help them to make decisions. By waiting for others to finish off their own sentences and by giving them an opportunity to be truly heard and understood, you will be giving them a chance to feel like they really do matter and do count. A difficult or impossible task, some may say, but with willingness and practice you can do it and it works! Not only for them, but for you too - in ways you could never imagine. Try it out!
What they are saying.What they are not saying.How they are saying it.What their bodies are showing you. Their tone of voice. Are they blaming something or someone or are they accepting responsibility? What inspires them and motivates them?What frightens or restricts them?
Most importantly listen for their magnificence and for the extraordinary qualities they possess. AND ... let them know how well they are doing. It is all too common to give others advice and to point out where they are going wrong. Make them aware of their uniqueness, accomplishments and successes, no matter how small they may be. Just for once, hold back on passing judgment, opinion and of giving advice. Listen to what the person is saying. Tune into them, be present and don't think of all the hundreds of other things you might need to be doing that day. By doing this, the person will feel cared for, understood and welcomed. Let them speak 80% of the time and give effective feedback 20% of the time. Not an easy task, but I am sure you will also gain from holding your tongue, not jumping in at every opportunity and interrupting.
Really try and understand what they are trying to say. Ask them to elaborate on what they mean and help to move them out of a space of worry, stress and anxiety. Pay close attention to what you hear, what you notice and search for ways of responding that will help them to make decisions. By waiting for others to finish off their own sentences and by giving them an opportunity to be truly heard and understood, you will be giving them a chance to feel like they really do matter and do count. A difficult or impossible task, some may say, but with willingness and practice you can do it and it works! Not only for them, but for you too - in ways you could never imagine. Try it out!
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