Building Self Confidence and Self Esteem
by Nick Clipton on 2008-07-18
Building Self Confidence and Self Esteem
As a hypnotherapist I specialise in helping people to develop confidence and self esteem.
Perhaps surprisingly, the people who ask for my help are not shrinking violets and their reasons for wanting to develop enhanced self confidence are not wholly selfish. Consider a few examples. The names have been changed.
John works for a large corporate. Diligent, startlingly intelligent and very ambitious, he found that his ideas were consistently overlooked. This wasn’t enough of a catalyst to bring him to my door, however. He eventually grew frustrated, and then angry, that dominant individuals in his company were able to put their own ideas forward with ease. Worst of all, some of these ideas, he felt, were positively damaging, but he just couldn’t make his opposition count. All his intelligence counted for little in his testosterone-fuelled working environment. It had reached the point where he felt that he should resign and start again with a fresh company; he simply didn’t feel that he was adding any real value. A man of great integrity, John would rather leave than tacitly support such a wrong-headed and unintelligent approach to business.
John stayed. We worked together to identify his confidence profile, which was very unusual -- represented by less than 1% of the population. Through work on his stage presence and physical presence, we were able to significantly improve John’s effectiveness in being taken seriously, to the extent where he has recently broken through into senior management.
Jenny came to me because she was lonely. A brief marriage hadn’t worked out, and she was finding serial dating to be a frustrating activity. Jenny had come to realise that she wasn’t moving out of her ‘comfort zone’, either socially or at work. She feared becoming enclosed, locked into a safe routine which wouldn’t threaten her, but wouldn’t take her life forward either.
Jenny’s confidence profile was almost the inverse of John’s. Where he had masses of peer independence, Jenny had almost none, which meant that she was hugely dependent on the good opinion of others. She needed lots of reassurance, and had very little faith in her own ability or judgement.
The approach with Jenny was to strengthen her peer independence -- her ability to trust in her own judgement, independent of the views of others –- and to build up her self esteem. She has now met somebody, changed her job and moved house -- all in the space of a year!
Gain Confidence and Boost Self Esteem in 5 Simple Steps
1. Do something that requires a decision and a follow-through.
Have you been putting off writing that letter to aunt Martha? Is there a friend you’ve been meaning to call? Wash the car, tidy the garden or clean the house. You’ll gain confidence by setting goals (even small ones) and following through on them.
2. Enjoy something you do well.
Do you have any hobbies or sports that you enjoy playing? Some things like going swimming, painting or writing can hold your attention and get you into a state of ‘flow’. While you are in the flow you forget about everything else.
Afterwards, you’ll feel competent and capable. It’s a great way to boost your self-esteem. If you don’t have any particular hobbies or pastimes that you enjoy make an effort to try something you’ve always wanted to try.
Picture yourself doing it, and then give it a try! It doesn’t have to be something big - it can be as simple as joining a walking club.
You’ll find that you are more centered and happier if you do something that puts you in that flow at least once a week.
3. Shift the focus.
It’s been shown that low self-esteem develops hand-in-hand with individuals who put too much focus on themselves. You can gain confidence by doing something that focuses on someone else or even something else.
You’ll find that when you are in a situation where you are meeting new people, you immediately become less nervous when you focus on the person you are meeting.
At the end of the day, you’ve interacted with others and will notice that you feel much lighter.
4. Relax, already!
Learning to become more relaxed is a great life enhancer. People who are more relaxed have fewer problems with their memories and are more likely to take the bumps in the road of life in stride.
The practice of meditation has gained popularity for this reason. You might want to look into Tai Chi, which involves physical relaxation techniques.
Whatever method you decide on, take relaxation seriously. The benefits are just too great to ignore. If you’ve never considered relaxation important, think of it this way: if you can attend to something that results in feeling good, how can you not gain confidence in your personal abilities?
5. Make a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished.
Think small. An accomplishment is an accomplishment! Some things you could put on your list: passed my driver’s test and got my license, scored a goal when I played hockey, managed to save enough money to go on a trip and so on.
These are just a few ideas you can use to gain confidence and boost your self-esteem. Use these ideas as a base point and add these things permanently in your life.
Keep in mind, people are not born with good self-esteem, most of us have to work at it. It develops from your thinking and the things you do daily to make yourself feel good.
As a hypnotherapist I specialise in helping people to develop confidence and self esteem.
Perhaps surprisingly, the people who ask for my help are not shrinking violets and their reasons for wanting to develop enhanced self confidence are not wholly selfish. Consider a few examples. The names have been changed.
John works for a large corporate. Diligent, startlingly intelligent and very ambitious, he found that his ideas were consistently overlooked. This wasn’t enough of a catalyst to bring him to my door, however. He eventually grew frustrated, and then angry, that dominant individuals in his company were able to put their own ideas forward with ease. Worst of all, some of these ideas, he felt, were positively damaging, but he just couldn’t make his opposition count. All his intelligence counted for little in his testosterone-fuelled working environment. It had reached the point where he felt that he should resign and start again with a fresh company; he simply didn’t feel that he was adding any real value. A man of great integrity, John would rather leave than tacitly support such a wrong-headed and unintelligent approach to business.
John stayed. We worked together to identify his confidence profile, which was very unusual -- represented by less than 1% of the population. Through work on his stage presence and physical presence, we were able to significantly improve John’s effectiveness in being taken seriously, to the extent where he has recently broken through into senior management.
Jenny came to me because she was lonely. A brief marriage hadn’t worked out, and she was finding serial dating to be a frustrating activity. Jenny had come to realise that she wasn’t moving out of her ‘comfort zone’, either socially or at work. She feared becoming enclosed, locked into a safe routine which wouldn’t threaten her, but wouldn’t take her life forward either.
Jenny’s confidence profile was almost the inverse of John’s. Where he had masses of peer independence, Jenny had almost none, which meant that she was hugely dependent on the good opinion of others. She needed lots of reassurance, and had very little faith in her own ability or judgement.
The approach with Jenny was to strengthen her peer independence -- her ability to trust in her own judgement, independent of the views of others –- and to build up her self esteem. She has now met somebody, changed her job and moved house -- all in the space of a year!
Gain Confidence and Boost Self Esteem in 5 Simple Steps
1. Do something that requires a decision and a follow-through.
Have you been putting off writing that letter to aunt Martha? Is there a friend you’ve been meaning to call? Wash the car, tidy the garden or clean the house. You’ll gain confidence by setting goals (even small ones) and following through on them.
2. Enjoy something you do well.
Do you have any hobbies or sports that you enjoy playing? Some things like going swimming, painting or writing can hold your attention and get you into a state of ‘flow’. While you are in the flow you forget about everything else.
Afterwards, you’ll feel competent and capable. It’s a great way to boost your self-esteem. If you don’t have any particular hobbies or pastimes that you enjoy make an effort to try something you’ve always wanted to try.
Picture yourself doing it, and then give it a try! It doesn’t have to be something big - it can be as simple as joining a walking club.
You’ll find that you are more centered and happier if you do something that puts you in that flow at least once a week.
3. Shift the focus.
It’s been shown that low self-esteem develops hand-in-hand with individuals who put too much focus on themselves. You can gain confidence by doing something that focuses on someone else or even something else.
You’ll find that when you are in a situation where you are meeting new people, you immediately become less nervous when you focus on the person you are meeting.
At the end of the day, you’ve interacted with others and will notice that you feel much lighter.
4. Relax, already!
Learning to become more relaxed is a great life enhancer. People who are more relaxed have fewer problems with their memories and are more likely to take the bumps in the road of life in stride.
The practice of meditation has gained popularity for this reason. You might want to look into Tai Chi, which involves physical relaxation techniques.
Whatever method you decide on, take relaxation seriously. The benefits are just too great to ignore. If you’ve never considered relaxation important, think of it this way: if you can attend to something that results in feeling good, how can you not gain confidence in your personal abilities?
5. Make a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished.
Think small. An accomplishment is an accomplishment! Some things you could put on your list: passed my driver’s test and got my license, scored a goal when I played hockey, managed to save enough money to go on a trip and so on.
These are just a few ideas you can use to gain confidence and boost your self-esteem. Use these ideas as a base point and add these things permanently in your life.
Keep in mind, people are not born with good self-esteem, most of us have to work at it. It develops from your thinking and the things you do daily to make yourself feel good.
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