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The innocence of a child, will not allow their mind to
comprehend what terror is being put upon them during abuse.
They can no more think killing their abuser than they can a
fly. It worsens when the child knows the abuser, because
they have a love and trust that is so innocent, they cannot
mistrust. This is where the confusion is set deep into their
psyche, causing them to have conflicts with feelings
throughout their life. In place of learning love through
hugs and smiles, they are taught love through sexual abuse
and threats. They have already learnt that the world is not
safe. Children quickly learn through instinct to remove
their minds from their bodies. They also can manipulate
their bodies to go numb in order to not feel any physical
contact with the abuser. Abused children are also taught to
mistrust any form of verbal love and appreciation.

The abuser will tell them things like, "Daddy loves you and
wants to show you how much", or " I am teaching you what
daddy’s teach their daughters so that you will grow up and
know how to be a good woman".

So much deception and lies from someone that a child holds
dear to their heart. To doubt their abuser when it is their
father, only makes them feel like a bad child. They know
that their father wants them to love them and smile for
them. This makes daddy happy. It is what every child is
naturally driven to do. They thrive on their parents smiles
and happy feelings. This is the exact thing that an abuser
takes advantage of and also poisons through the abuse they
inflict on the child.

The child will also think in two identities if the abuser is
her father or her uncle. She will think simply in two parts.
Good daddy, bad daddy. This helps her to keep her good daddy
image safe, where he is suppose to be. The second daddy will
be a figure in a bad dream, not real to her world at all. A
child may turn to drawing pictures of her good daddy and bad
daddy. Or write very obscure, negative, even offensive poems
or stories. These are true signs and most certainly cries
for help. Please do not ever underestimate the power of the
pen. It will either be a cry for help from someone that
cannot use words, or it could be the key to ones doors of
healing.

When the abuser is a family member, this factor alone robs
the child of what would be known as a safe nest. The child
will never know what a healthy role model is. Nor will this
child ever have the experience of innocent nurturing. Unless
this child through years of growth, learns to identify with
their abuser and confront the abuse, their healing will
never begin. Without this inner healing and peace, one is
likely to repeat this horrible act of abuse that they were
lead to believe to be a common practice in parenting.

Victims have no choice but to survive. If they do not commit
suicide, they learn to cope. I have mentioned in another
article that some use drugs, alcohol, food, cutting ones
self and even sex. These are common coping strategies. NO
they are not good ones, but for most of the victims that
choose that road, it's the better of the two evils.

Other victims choose to forget it ever happened, down play
the abuse or rationalize it as if it were nothing more than
a simple hug or touch. They even go as far as excusing their
abusers actions or temper, saying the was drunk or too
stressed out from working. Victims will even try to
understand and feel sorrow for their abusers. Anything to
not accuse them and have to deal with the confusion of the
why’s. Some even become so withdrawn into themselves,
fearing that they may talk too much, or give a clue to
someone about their nightmare. Then all their shame will be
seen. So they choose silence instead of risk.

Denial is another way around facing the reality. But denial
has a way of twisting around and returning with a vengeance.
To not allow your pain to come up front so you can deal with
it, only gives it more time to grow inside of you and get a
stronger hold of your mind. Reality and fantasy will also
get confused at this point. People will confuse your actions
and words with mental illness. Then not only will you have
your abuser to contend with, but now others will be trying
to force you into another victim situation. Yes, you have
done whatever it took to survive this horrible abuse, so now
rise above it. It was nothing more than a cause and effect
battle. A battle that you have over come!

I continue to show you patterns that are caused by
neglecting yourself and allowing yourself to be totally
absorbed by an action that was NEVER in your control. Now it
is in your control. Now you can do something about it. SO,
what are you waiting for? FIGHT!!!! Fight like you are
trying to save the life of someone dear to you. Fight like a
master and use your power to say, "Go to hell". Scream this
as loud as you can, "I see you, I hear you and I will not
allow you to abuse me any longer!" You must feel the freedom
that comes with this new fight that is awakening inside you.
Once the fight is over, you will live a new life. A new book
has just been written.

You are FREE! Free to Live, Love and Laugh!!

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I am ready.

I am now.

I can.

I will.

-David Viscott

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I accept what I am,

and

how I got here

-David Viscott