Infertility and Separation
by jameswalsh on 2007-09-23
In Nepal, a forty-three year old law decreeing that a man may divorce his wife on the grounds of infertility, if she is unable to bear children within ten years of marriage, has been scrapped by this ruling. Women's right groups have hailed this as a welcome decision and human rights activists also agree. Failure to bear a child causes marriages all over the world to fall apart. The religious, social and cultural overtones make the issue complicated and also make it impossible to obtain accurate statistics in this regard. But over the centuries, this has been one of the unchanging aspects of families breaking apart.
The Legal Angle
Under the existing laws of the UK, the only way to directly make infertility a plausible reason for divorce is rather roundabout. The husband may file a divorce on the grounds of 'unreasonable conduct' only if the wife goes for a Donor Insemination (DI) without his consent. This is where the legal angle begins, and ends. Disability to bear a child is a hidden pain that does not come to the surface, but works from within a marriage till all other grounds of divorce have been created based on it. The conduct of both partners may become increasingly 'unreasonable', there are sad instances of 'adultery', sometimes couples may end up 'losing contact' and ultimately the marriage has 'irrevocably broken' apart. Thus all the legally stated grounds of annulling a marriage come to exist through this one incapacity. Under Muslim law, divorce on grounds of infertility is allowed, though hotly debated by liberals. Catholic laws cite infertility as a ground for divorce only if the spouse has hidden the information during marriage despite prior knowledge. Each religion has its own take on infertility, but all ancient cultures looked upon it as a matter of shame. The ancient Jewish texts liken a barren woman to a barren field, where the seeds fall in futility, and no crop comes forth. The barren man simply lacked manhood, denying him completeness even as a human being. Infertility as an underlying theme recurs in all major epics, and battles have been fought because of it.
The Trauma of Infertility
Inability to bear a child is a major cause of frustration, anger and grief and has always been. But why is it so? Social scientists have provided us with several answers, many of them culture-specific. But, the feeling of incompleteness as a human is universal. Underlying it is the extreme urge of leaving a trace behind. Man has always tried to gain immortality - and our progeny are the replica that we leave behind to continue the line - to always be present in some form or other even beyond death. The other universal emotion is of a massive insecurity - a feeling that there is no one close enough to care for us. Friends and relatives can not fill this gap, work does not satiate it. When one spouse starts blaming another, it can go to unbearable extremes of harshness. There are counselors to help with the situation, but there is no way out apart from facing, accepting, and learning to live with the truth.
Treatment for Infertility
In the UK, the problem lies with the male partner in 30% of the cases. In some cases, the male is not infertile, but may be suffering from an incurable condition. Micromanipulation is a method by which the sperm of the father maybe collected and injected to the mother as Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI).
But the majority of the cases unfortunately are incurable conditions. However, if the female partner is fertile, there is till hope, through Dim Donor Insemination. In UK, the Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority (HFFA) requires all fertility centers to freeze donated samples for six months as quarantine. Apart from medical tests (including HIV) samples should be screened carefully to locate a possible match with the husband's eye, skin, hair colour, height, and if required, blood group. Under the present legal system, after 18, a child conceived of DI has the right to trace the donor if he or she wants. And, there is always the saving grace of adoption. As long as there are those who have tried but failed to have a child, and those who have not wanted, but delivered an infant, there will be hope.
Couples falling apart over the issue of infertility often know of these solutions. But very often, due to stigma or other prejudices, couples may not opt for these options. As a result, they are left to deal with the anger and pain of not being able to have a family.
The Legal Angle
Under the existing laws of the UK, the only way to directly make infertility a plausible reason for divorce is rather roundabout. The husband may file a divorce on the grounds of 'unreasonable conduct' only if the wife goes for a Donor Insemination (DI) without his consent. This is where the legal angle begins, and ends. Disability to bear a child is a hidden pain that does not come to the surface, but works from within a marriage till all other grounds of divorce have been created based on it. The conduct of both partners may become increasingly 'unreasonable', there are sad instances of 'adultery', sometimes couples may end up 'losing contact' and ultimately the marriage has 'irrevocably broken' apart. Thus all the legally stated grounds of annulling a marriage come to exist through this one incapacity. Under Muslim law, divorce on grounds of infertility is allowed, though hotly debated by liberals. Catholic laws cite infertility as a ground for divorce only if the spouse has hidden the information during marriage despite prior knowledge. Each religion has its own take on infertility, but all ancient cultures looked upon it as a matter of shame. The ancient Jewish texts liken a barren woman to a barren field, where the seeds fall in futility, and no crop comes forth. The barren man simply lacked manhood, denying him completeness even as a human being. Infertility as an underlying theme recurs in all major epics, and battles have been fought because of it.
The Trauma of Infertility
Inability to bear a child is a major cause of frustration, anger and grief and has always been. But why is it so? Social scientists have provided us with several answers, many of them culture-specific. But, the feeling of incompleteness as a human is universal. Underlying it is the extreme urge of leaving a trace behind. Man has always tried to gain immortality - and our progeny are the replica that we leave behind to continue the line - to always be present in some form or other even beyond death. The other universal emotion is of a massive insecurity - a feeling that there is no one close enough to care for us. Friends and relatives can not fill this gap, work does not satiate it. When one spouse starts blaming another, it can go to unbearable extremes of harshness. There are counselors to help with the situation, but there is no way out apart from facing, accepting, and learning to live with the truth.
Treatment for Infertility
In the UK, the problem lies with the male partner in 30% of the cases. In some cases, the male is not infertile, but may be suffering from an incurable condition. Micromanipulation is a method by which the sperm of the father maybe collected and injected to the mother as Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI).
But the majority of the cases unfortunately are incurable conditions. However, if the female partner is fertile, there is till hope, through Dim Donor Insemination. In UK, the Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority (HFFA) requires all fertility centers to freeze donated samples for six months as quarantine. Apart from medical tests (including HIV) samples should be screened carefully to locate a possible match with the husband's eye, skin, hair colour, height, and if required, blood group. Under the present legal system, after 18, a child conceived of DI has the right to trace the donor if he or she wants. And, there is always the saving grace of adoption. As long as there are those who have tried but failed to have a child, and those who have not wanted, but delivered an infant, there will be hope.
Couples falling apart over the issue of infertility often know of these solutions. But very often, due to stigma or other prejudices, couples may not opt for these options. As a result, they are left to deal with the anger and pain of not being able to have a family.
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