It Isn't Forgiveness Unless You Forget It
by teahupoo on 2007-09-23
If you are one of those people who says,
"I will forgive, but I'll never forget", sorry to tell you but you haven't forgiven at all. Forgetting the offense is the key factor in true forgiveness and without the conscious act of forgetting there can be no forgiveness, in addition this attitude can lead to a grudge between two people over something that could have simply been over with an apology. It is important to come to the realization that the relationship is more important than standing on what you believe to be a principle and causing possible irreparable harm.
It doesn't matter if you are justified in the way you feel or not, even though you feel you have been done wrong, you need to understand your feelings to be able to forgive the person and forget the wrongdoing. The old saying of, "two wrongs don't make a right", definitely applies here. Even though this other person may have hurt you, you must realize that a hostile reaction only makes matters worse and just harms the relationship.
You need to be able to talk things out and tell how you feel so that you will feel that you have expressed your take on the situation, but you also need to let the other person involved tell their side. The whole thing could have been a big misunderstanding, but if you just assume that they hurt you intentionally you will never know. Take the time to listen to each other and pay attention to the emotions that are involved during the process so that you will be able to forgive and forget.
Many times the best thing to do is retreat and allow your emotions to calm down in order to be able to work things out amicably. It is important that you do not act rashly and make decisions based on emotions from hurt or anger. Once you have had time to simmer a little, you will be able to express your feelings about the situation in a rational way and the two of you will be able to get your points across to each other in a positive manner. It is crucial that both of you are ready to resolve the conflict so that anger doesn't rise up and eliminate the opportunity for true forgiveness to take place.
You must be willing and open to accept your significant other's apology in order to forgive and forget and put the matter behind you. If you question the sincerity of the apology or feel that they really don't mean it then you are continuing to harbor negative thoughts and this will result in damage to the relationship because you are still unwilling to forget. Pay attention to your partner as they go through the difficult process of apologizing and have the faith and trust to believe that they are remorseful and mean what they say. Tell them you forgive them and that you are going to just forget that it happened. This is the only way to resolve an issue and have true forgiveness.
"I will forgive, but I'll never forget", sorry to tell you but you haven't forgiven at all. Forgetting the offense is the key factor in true forgiveness and without the conscious act of forgetting there can be no forgiveness, in addition this attitude can lead to a grudge between two people over something that could have simply been over with an apology. It is important to come to the realization that the relationship is more important than standing on what you believe to be a principle and causing possible irreparable harm.
It doesn't matter if you are justified in the way you feel or not, even though you feel you have been done wrong, you need to understand your feelings to be able to forgive the person and forget the wrongdoing. The old saying of, "two wrongs don't make a right", definitely applies here. Even though this other person may have hurt you, you must realize that a hostile reaction only makes matters worse and just harms the relationship.
You need to be able to talk things out and tell how you feel so that you will feel that you have expressed your take on the situation, but you also need to let the other person involved tell their side. The whole thing could have been a big misunderstanding, but if you just assume that they hurt you intentionally you will never know. Take the time to listen to each other and pay attention to the emotions that are involved during the process so that you will be able to forgive and forget.
Many times the best thing to do is retreat and allow your emotions to calm down in order to be able to work things out amicably. It is important that you do not act rashly and make decisions based on emotions from hurt or anger. Once you have had time to simmer a little, you will be able to express your feelings about the situation in a rational way and the two of you will be able to get your points across to each other in a positive manner. It is crucial that both of you are ready to resolve the conflict so that anger doesn't rise up and eliminate the opportunity for true forgiveness to take place.
You must be willing and open to accept your significant other's apology in order to forgive and forget and put the matter behind you. If you question the sincerity of the apology or feel that they really don't mean it then you are continuing to harbor negative thoughts and this will result in damage to the relationship because you are still unwilling to forget. Pay attention to your partner as they go through the difficult process of apologizing and have the faith and trust to believe that they are remorseful and mean what they say. Tell them you forgive them and that you are going to just forget that it happened. This is the only way to resolve an issue and have true forgiveness.
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