You are joking series: Stonehenge 15 one liner funny jokes competition
by billy on 2007-09-23
Stonehenge funny jokes competition is an annual event which is held every year on the first weekend in the month of March. It is a very popular event attended by people from all over the world and across all walks & spheres of life.
This year there were a record number of people in attendance: up by 30% over last year. Nearly 100,000 people travelling to Stonehenge serves as a proof in itself that the event is in big demand. People were, setting up their camps, organising their humorous stalls; selling literature on jokes, comedy, and even offering crash courses to would be comedians over the weekend.
According to 2006 program, there was one West Country Comedy school offering its services to help you realise your ambitions to become a real comedian. We took advantage of this offer and sent along James Mcdugal: our humorous/comedy correspondence. He was put through a very intensive training program for eight hours on Friday. He was given instructions on style, delivery, posture, use of body language, voice and gestures to enhance his message. He spent the following morning actually putting into practice what he had learnt the previous day in preparation for an entry into Stonehenge one liner competition held on the Saturday evening. He was scheduled to deliver his stomach crusher one liners at 9.00pm. Below is a list of James on liners. James had the audience in stitches... He generated the greatest amount of laughter because he fell flat on his fact as he walked onto the stage... He broke the ice well... after that it was piece of cake for him...
What happens when fish crosses an elephant? A swimming trunk.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the disco? Because he had no body to go with.
Why did the girl take crayons to her bed? To draw the curtains.
What did the mother phone say to the baby phone? You are too small to get engaged.
Why did the girl wear the ring on the wrong finger? To show people she was married to the wrong man.
Why did the elephant eat the candle? Because he wanted a light snack.
Have you heard the joke about butter? Don't spread it.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay they would be baygulls.
What did the ground say to the earth quake? You crack me up..
Why did the boy study in the aeroplane? Because he wanted higher education.
What is the best time to go the bed? When the bed won't come to you.
Why did the lobster blush? Because he saw the seaweed.
Why did the toilet paper go down the hill? To get to the bottom..
Dad, son school joke...The dad said to his boy... How do you like going to school? The going bit is fine, the coming back bit is fine.. but I am not so keen on the bit in the middle.
There were 20 entrants in total and each comedian had 5 minutes to make their audience laugh. The deciding factor amongst other things was the roar of the laughter. This one factor was the clincer.. this alone determined the overall winner of the Stonehenge "Joker of the Year 2006" ... After the presentation which lasted for about an two hours.. The judges made their decision and came back to announce it at 11pm.
Jo Gormely the president of the Stonehenge "Jokers" plc said.. Ladies and gentlemen.. welcome to the Stonehenge... Here are the results of tonight's competition in reverse order...
Third place goes to "Tim Cutler".. from Australia. Tim was presented with a brass trophy as well as a ?1,000 winning prize.
Second place goes to "Barker Wood"... from USA. Barker was presented a silver trophy and ?5,000 in prize money.
The overall winner of the "Stonehenge Jokers 2006" competition is.. James Mcdugal. There was champagne .. there was a Gold trophy and ?20,000 in prize money. Congratulations.. James ... Shouted the entire crowd because his presentation was out of this world...
James success meant... Greener pastures.. He secured a good contract with CBCN and has since moved on. We will not be taking part in any future competitions for fear of losing good staff to the Americans.. said our MD Bob Dogooder in an internal memo.
This year there were a record number of people in attendance: up by 30% over last year. Nearly 100,000 people travelling to Stonehenge serves as a proof in itself that the event is in big demand. People were, setting up their camps, organising their humorous stalls; selling literature on jokes, comedy, and even offering crash courses to would be comedians over the weekend.
According to 2006 program, there was one West Country Comedy school offering its services to help you realise your ambitions to become a real comedian. We took advantage of this offer and sent along James Mcdugal: our humorous/comedy correspondence. He was put through a very intensive training program for eight hours on Friday. He was given instructions on style, delivery, posture, use of body language, voice and gestures to enhance his message. He spent the following morning actually putting into practice what he had learnt the previous day in preparation for an entry into Stonehenge one liner competition held on the Saturday evening. He was scheduled to deliver his stomach crusher one liners at 9.00pm. Below is a list of James on liners. James had the audience in stitches... He generated the greatest amount of laughter because he fell flat on his fact as he walked onto the stage... He broke the ice well... after that it was piece of cake for him...
What happens when fish crosses an elephant? A swimming trunk.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the disco? Because he had no body to go with.
Why did the girl take crayons to her bed? To draw the curtains.
What did the mother phone say to the baby phone? You are too small to get engaged.
Why did the girl wear the ring on the wrong finger? To show people she was married to the wrong man.
Why did the elephant eat the candle? Because he wanted a light snack.
Have you heard the joke about butter? Don't spread it.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay they would be baygulls.
What did the ground say to the earth quake? You crack me up..
Why did the boy study in the aeroplane? Because he wanted higher education.
What is the best time to go the bed? When the bed won't come to you.
Why did the lobster blush? Because he saw the seaweed.
Why did the toilet paper go down the hill? To get to the bottom..
Dad, son school joke...The dad said to his boy... How do you like going to school? The going bit is fine, the coming back bit is fine.. but I am not so keen on the bit in the middle.
There were 20 entrants in total and each comedian had 5 minutes to make their audience laugh. The deciding factor amongst other things was the roar of the laughter. This one factor was the clincer.. this alone determined the overall winner of the Stonehenge "Joker of the Year 2006" ... After the presentation which lasted for about an two hours.. The judges made their decision and came back to announce it at 11pm.
Jo Gormely the president of the Stonehenge "Jokers" plc said.. Ladies and gentlemen.. welcome to the Stonehenge... Here are the results of tonight's competition in reverse order...
Third place goes to "Tim Cutler".. from Australia. Tim was presented with a brass trophy as well as a ?1,000 winning prize.
Second place goes to "Barker Wood"... from USA. Barker was presented a silver trophy and ?5,000 in prize money.
The overall winner of the "Stonehenge Jokers 2006" competition is.. James Mcdugal. There was champagne .. there was a Gold trophy and ?20,000 in prize money. Congratulations.. James ... Shouted the entire crowd because his presentation was out of this world...
James success meant... Greener pastures.. He secured a good contract with CBCN and has since moved on. We will not be taking part in any future competitions for fear of losing good staff to the Americans.. said our MD Bob Dogooder in an internal memo.
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